Amsterdam unmediated

If you follow my posts, you already know that I am the type of person who likes to experiment with recreational substances. It's the kind of substances you can legally purchase and use in Amsterdam and only in Amsterdam. I'm not into any addictive type of stuff, I just like to get stoned now and then, that's all. I would do it more often if it wasn't illegal in the place I live. Imagine how hard it was for me to walk around Amsterdam and still resisting the temptation of a good joint!

This is not the first time I visit the Capital city of Netherlands which is built on the delta of Amstel river. Amsterdam is a big port, although it is not built  on the Atlantic coast, but at the inside of a well protected bay. It is built in chronological layers of building, that create an amphitheatric shape, with the Dam square being at the center. The Dam is not just the central square, it is also the oldest part of the city. As a rule of the thump, the longer a buildings distance from the Dam, the older it is. Of course, there might be exceptions to this rule, but I don't care enough to find out.

The Madame Tussaud museum at the Dam square is one of those places with long queues.

In practice, the central part of Amsterdam is full of trippy, narrow, tall, old buildings. They look like fairy tail constructions and most of them are lining a little bit. If you are not observant, you probably won't notice. Then, you light up your first legal joint, and as your audio-visual senses  are heightening, you notice that many buildings are actually trying to fall! If you don't know that fact in advance, you will probably show your joint to your pal and say something like "this shit is good, dude". That's how my pal reacted half a dozen years ago, when I first visited this dreamy european city.

My first visit to the city, many years ago, was all weed and mushrooms and substances. We didn't avoid museums and other Amsterdam must sees, since all these attractions look better if you are under the influence of something. The experience was unforgettable, some times too good, sometimes too bad., but never mediocre. The sure thing is all these experiences where not completely real. To put it in another way: what we saw and hear, was "mediated" by what we smoked and swallowed.

Dutch houses. The middle one is lining. For real!

This time I decided to see the un-mediated Amsterdam: as it looks by someone who's first care is not to find the best green-labeled coffee shop. I had a whole noon and evening to spend in the city, and I could visit a coffee shop later, when I would be tired and need a joint to relax me. But no matter how hard I tried to forget drugs, it was impossible to avoid comparing my sober Amsterdam experience with the under-the-influence one. And why not? Such a comparison is not necessarily without value.

The tourists are always annoying, but when you are stoned and in trance they become unbearable. When you are not stoned and in trance, they are just as annoying as you are to them. The fact that I'm also a tourist never slips my mind. Maybe if I was on shrooms, I would also thing about being a tourist, but I cannot predict how this thought will evolve and lead my mind to images of global unity. "We are all tourists" I would thing "so we are all connected. So connected! With love!". Those are not my words. A teenage girl in a park was saying those things to me (and other people too), but I knew it could be me in her place. Maybe I *did* trip in mushrooms at this same park many years ago, who can remember such a fact with certainty?

Amsterdam is a modern European city with large areas of well conserved old Dutch houses. The main mean of transport is the bicycle, but there are also networks of trams, trains and buses.

The people who profit from tourists are also annoying. When you are stoned they are not as much, though. They look like they belong there. They are ready to offer you something, maybe a carton box of last weeks fried potatoes with bad mayonnaise, maybe a cold and old donut or even some sort of sexual service. They are all perfect for a stoned person, as long as there are money to spend. Therefore, if you are not stoned, you tend to spent less money.

As usual, only the person on the bike is real. In Netherlands, if you don't own a bike, you almost don't exist.

Dutch people are always ignored by stoned people. If you are in acid, they might seem really tall (since they are really tall), but apart from that, you won't notice. Since I was not stoned, I was in position of watching some Dutch people, listen to their talks and trying to prove my theory that Dutch is not a real language but a random mixture of English and German. This theory was formed by my friends during my previous and trippier trip in Amsterdam, many years ago. In those times I could swear that I accidentally listened to two Dutch gentlemen switching to English after failing to communicate in Dutch. The dialog sounded something like this:

- Der Canibaljie ist imthe Wassuntjubje.
- Meinhe Nilpern ear explodjien mit deljichtung.
- What?
- I said "my nipples explode with delight".
- Why would you say something like that and how is it connected to what I said?
- Well, I don't know what you said, it was ineligible.
- It was in Dutch.
- Oh, that explains it.

Autumn really compliments Amsterdam (or the other way around?)

Is there anything that really annoys stoned tourists but not the sober ones? Yes, there are, and in Amsterdam there are plenty of them: Bicycles. They are really nice, they go everywhere, and every self respecting Dutch has at least one. Bikes are great. They go everywhere, they are best friends with the environment, they don't cost a lot, they don't require much repairing, they don't make noise and they make a nice image when they are ridden by pretty girls. But only stoned people are able to see the dark side of riding a bike. Bikers in Amsterdam are snobs. They won't stop for no reason, they are deliberately careless and they pop out of every corner and narrow pedestrian road. A stoned person will be really scared of them. It's not confirmed yet, but the thought of bikers deliberately scaring stoned tourists for fun has crossed the minds of over 76% of stoned Amsterdam visitors.

Autumn is probably the best season to visit Amsterdam, at least better than summer. I haven't visited the city during Winter or Spring, but I doubt it will be in position to compete with the Autumn version. The scenery is magical, the colors of Autumn are all there, at the tree leafs, the reflections on the channel waters or the bicycle skeletons. It is the kind of beauty that makes me forget to take a picture. Hopefully, I will have another chance in less than a weak.

Next Station: Amsterdam Centraal. Then, Groningen.